tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
