Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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