my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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