so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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