she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
