i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
