do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
