I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
