Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
