I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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