You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize