He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
