smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
