yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
