If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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