I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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