Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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