I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
