i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We need to get me chipped asap
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
