3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
