The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
