But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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