Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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