her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you never un-have a 4some
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
