I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
