Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
