peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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