we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
