the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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