no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
