Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize