So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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