On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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