I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize