She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
