Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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