My friends, they love my intelligence
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My feet surprised me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
