So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
