I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
