walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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