So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
