my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
