Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
