Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize