Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
