I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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