a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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