I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
