i think i have two assholes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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