I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
