Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
