Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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