Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
