2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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