Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize