Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
