we're blogging at a bar
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
