so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
