I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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