WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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