Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize