I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
