True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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