He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
