They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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