I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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