your parents love me but you hate me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
