Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
