What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
