Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
