Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
