so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize