Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
