a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
