i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
