Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
