how can u be prego again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
