I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
